I can tuck mytits in my pants
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
