put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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