I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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