his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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