one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
