dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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