i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I forget how to act sober
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