Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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