dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize