WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
