your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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