you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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