I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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