Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Randomize
