so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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