yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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