Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
