let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
