He asked me if I "almost moaned"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
