I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
