just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
