I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
