hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
