yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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