I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
