Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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