She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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