I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
