Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
