I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
