You're my little dorito
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
