Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
