Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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