sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
