i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
