I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
