We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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