why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
