Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
