okay pat passed out under dana's car
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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