I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
