3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Two words: blizzard sex
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
