Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
