i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
