Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
