Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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