these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
