I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
