OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
