i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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