The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so let's talk penis.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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