tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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