My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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