...so i touched it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
