I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
