He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
