life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize