I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
