we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
