This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Who died my cat blue again?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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