Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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