grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
