people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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