Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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