Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
