There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
