Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
