I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
