M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Panties = found
Randomize
