i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Randomize
