it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
