Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
