I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
