If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
