and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
