Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
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im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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