my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
