you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
