her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So many bounce houses so little time
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
