So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
