I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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