Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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